When I decided last year to openly share my life’s journey with you, I could never imagined what was in store. I could not imagine the raw and deeply personal journey I would be going on.
Recently, through some genetic testing, I learned that my father is not my father and my half-brother is not my brother
After the first day of shock, my body completely shut down. I ended up with a fever and chills for 2 days. Technically a return of a virus from 2 weeks prior, but also part illness of heartbreak. For two days I would sleep and wake in a combination of fever, sadness and tears.
Maybe this new truth would be shocking and earth shattering truth for most people, but it is even much deeper for me. After my mom’s death at age 11, my father would move me from Illinois to Colorado and abandon me there. I would end up living with friends to finish high school. I would go on to work 3 jobs to get through college.
Receiving this news reopened wounds..like walking across the stage at graduation without a single person there for me. ..like tracking on foot across town in the rain, alone and defeated to buy a comforter for my bed.
The story of my life really was not a happy one, but it was the story I knew to be true and had worked hard to heal.
All along there was a person alive in this world who could have been there, loved and supported me, celebrated me, walked me down the aisle, loved my husband and cried when my children were born. There could been someone who held me in their arms as I lay close to death in the ICU after my sweet daughter was born too early. There are too many moments lost.